Does Your Relationship Sometimes Feel Like A Chore?

Is there a lack of understanding between you and your significant other?

Do you feel emotionally disconnected from each other, but you don’t know why?

Perhaps there’s been a breakdown in communication, and no matter how hard you try to explain yourself, your partner simply can’t see things from your perspective. Or maybe your spouse is inattentive or unresponsive to your needs. You know they love you, but they just don’t love you the way you want to be loved.

You are not alone. Many couples struggle with maintaining peace in their relationships.

Relationship issues can distract you from daily obligations, lower your self-esteem, and lead to isolation and loneliness. You may find yourself unable to focus at work or have a good time with friends because you’re constantly stressing about problems in your marriage. Perhaps your partner just doesn’t seem head-over-heels for you anymore, but you can’t pinpoint why. As a result, you might start to question your own self-worth, like you’re not good enough for them. Or maybe you’ve withdrawn altogether, too worn-out to address your lack of connection, too frustrated to work out that never-ending argument you’ve been having every day.

At this point, your relationship may feel like a chore, something you tend to because you have to—not because you love to. Thankfully, with our approach to couples therapy, you can learn practical ways to solve conflict, increase communication, and save your relationship.

A Couple’s Differences Are A Burden And A Blessing

Despite what your Facebook or Twitter feed might suggest, love is not all hearts and flowers. It’s hard, and it takes work. Every relationship faces conflict, because no two people are exactly alike. When you and your spouse have different life experiences, you both come to see the world in your own unique way. If you come from different cultural backgrounds, for instance, you’ll probably have different views on how to raise kids. If you have trauma in your life and your partner doesn’t, they may have trouble understanding how negative events have affected your ideas of love and intimacy. 

Ultimately, love is all about letting go of the ego, giving up our need to be right. It’s about admitting the way we see world is not the only way. This is why love is so complicated; we tend to believe we’re right without even thinking about it. In order for a relationship or marriage to work, however, we have to make sacrifices for the other person. After all, if we refuse to confront our own pride, we’re not being honest with ourselves—which makes it impossible to be honest with others. Without honest, healthy communication, relationships can’t grow—they turn bitter, hostile, and often result in separation or divorce. What’s more, many problems in a relationship are often intergenerational. For example, if children grow up witnessing dysfunction in the home, they’re more likely to carry that dysfunction into their own relationships as adults.

This is why it’s vital to seek help before small issues multiply and become bigger crises. If you and your partner are struggling to reconcile perspectives, you may need an unbiased third party who can offer a fresh perspective on how to do so. As couples therapists, we will help you and your loved one find common ground, identify your differences, and grow in your love for each other.

Couples Therapy Is Practical, Compassionate, And Solution-Focused

Our approach to marriage and couples counseling gives you a chance to speak your mind, find validation for your struggles, and be accepted without judgment. While it’s important to try and understand negative habits, we believe the best way to break those habits is to develop healthy alternatives, not to sit there dissecting and psychoanalyzing why you do what you do. So we like to focus on practical solutions to keep your relationship moving forward. Sometimes the easiest way to correct our thinking is to correct our actions first. Our thinking usually follows suit, slowly but surely.

Our initial sessions will be aimed at understanding the challenges you’re facing, how they’re affecting your relationship, and what your goals for couple counseling are. Once we understand your situation, we will co-create a treatment plan specifically tailored to your needs. We will also lay down some important ground rules for our sessions—rules about letting the other person speak, being open with each other, and not carrying the problems you talk about here back home with you. This last point is especially pertinent; in order to avoid having the same arguments over and over in the home, sometimes we have to let go of criticism that may have arisen in couples therapy. This way, you and your loved one can focus on solutions rather than rehash old grievances.

To that end, you can expect to gain better listening skills, fix communication issues, and learn to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If you feel like every honest conversation with your spouse turns into a shouting match, for instance, we will teach you how to express yourself in a healthy, appropriate way while still speaking your mind. If you feel there are barriers to understanding your partner, our goal is to show you why those barriers exist—be they cultural, familial, or even trauma-related—and how to thrive in spite of them. Ultimately, we want you to learn practical, hands-on ways to break maladaptive habits and solve conflict.

Things may look bleak right now, but you don’t have to live in the same patterns and cycles forever. Relationships are messy, but with our guidance, and your willingness to work through the frustration and confusion, you can find peace, healing, and a renewed sense of compassion for each other.

You may have some questions about couples therapy…

Does marriage and relationship counseling really work?

Therapy works if you do the work. There is no magic to therapy. If you come in with an openness to learn, grow, and let go of your ego, however, healing is fully possible. This is why humility is so important—disagreements happen, but if you’re willing to put your interests aside in order to love your partner, the sky’s the limit.

Will couples therapy make our relationship worse?

Disagreements between you and your spouse may surface in therapy, but our approach doesn’t seek to dwell on your problems. Instead, once you and your spouse have identified a disagreement, we’re only interested in making peace, not proving who’s right or wrong. This is why we’re solution-focused; we want to fulfill your desire to be happy—not your need to be right.

Do you really think my partner can change?

Absolutely. Even if your partner has a cheating problem or serious addiction, they can always change if they are willing to. What’s more, if they’re willing to improve themselves, we will continually encourage and recognize them for their efforts. No one can change their life alone; we all need a little extra praise and morale-boosting from time to time.

You Can Save Your Relationship And Fall In Love Again

If your relationship’s in a rough patch and you’re struggling to reconcile your differences, we encourage you to contact us. You can schedule an appointment by calling us at 203.800.9778 or emailing us here. We look forward to hearing from you!