Do You Feel Frustrated With Your Sex Life Or Lack Of Intimacy?
Are you a woman who’s struggling to maintain or achieve sexual pleasure? Do you feel a sense of shame and embarrassment every time you make love? Maybe you have low self-esteem and body-image issues, and all you can focus on is your own “flaws” whenever you have sex. Or perhaps there is trauma from your past that makes all sexual activities re-traumatizing for you, bringing back painful memories that stifle your ability to orgasm and enjoy intimacy.
Oftentimes, sexual issues stem from societal or religious views that reinforce a skewed perception of love and intimacy. When you were growing up, perhaps pleasure was associated with shame, and any sexual activity before marriage was labeled “dirty” and “sinful.” As a result, you may have no bond with your vagina and no connection with your sexuality. You may experience a lack of sexual fulfillment even after marriage, as the old feeling of shame still lingers.
Additionally, there may be physical issues that affect your sexual performance. Perhaps you or your partner suffers from an orgasmic disorder or vaginal pain, or one of you has an acquired disability that limits what you can do in the bedroom. Ordinary life changes like childbirth and menopause can also impede your ability to enjoy sex.
Deep down, you may feel emotionally disconnected from your own sexuality and sense of pleasure. But because sex is so embarrassing to talk about, you may not have anyone to share your struggles with. In sex therapy, our goal is to break down these barriers of shame and give you a safe, private space to freely and openly talk about your sex life. Whether your struggles stem from trauma, body-image issues, physical problems, or the views you were raised with, we are confident that we can help you connect with your sexuality in a healthier way and liberate yourself from negative self-beliefs.
Contrary To What Porn And Hollywood Tell You, Sex Is Not Always Easy
Every woman wants to be desired. Unfortunately, our society is rife with unrealistic expectations for women seeking sexual fulfillment. In the movies and in porn flicks, sex is portrayed as straightforward and easy, and orgasms are a dime-a-dozen. But in real life, sex can be complicated. It takes time to realize what works for each individual, and it is perfectly normal not to experience vaginal orgasms.
Because our culture’s definition of “good sex” is associated with the ability to orgasm, many women fake orgasms because anything short of one is supposed to be unfulfilling. And if they struggle with a mental illness—such as depression, anxiety, or hormonal issues—they are even less likely to achieve orgasm and live up to these cultural standards.
What’s more, many women from religious homes fail to enjoy sex because they were taught that they shouldn’t enjoy it until they have a husband. Essentially, they are told: “Here is your vagina. Don’t touch it or let anyone else touch it. Wash it and put it away until marriage.” But even when they do get married, they have grown so used to shunning sexual pleasure that they have no bond with their vagina. They continue to feel guilty and dirty.
This is why it’s so vital to seek help for sexual issues. Cultural taboos and unrealistic expectations make it hard to know what a healthy connection to your sexuality looks like. Here at SMPsychotherapy & Counseling, we want to help you weed through harmful beliefs and empower you to embrace your sexuality in a way that is comfortable and fulfilling for you.
Sex Therapy Can Help You Overcome Negative Beliefs And Enjoy Your Sex Life
Let’s face it: the idea of talking to a therapist about your sexual issues may seem heavy and intimidating. Thankfully, this is not how we approach counseling. In addition to looking at the deeper causes behind your struggles, we like to focus on the lighter, fun side of sex therapy. We want you to enjoy your time here—to feel free and uninhibited and move at whatever pace is comfortable for you.
In addition to pursuing individual sex counseling, you are welcome to come with your partner if you feel that couples therapy would address your needs more effectively. We want what is best for you, and we believe you know yourself best. Our approach is rooted in the concept of Motivational Interviewing, which teaches that you already have the answers to your issues within you—you simply need someone to help you unlock them in order to experience healing and growth.
In sessions together, our aim is to get to the source of your sexual struggles and help you experience a deeper relationship with your mind, body, and sexuality. We will look at the root causes—such as trauma, neglect, or negative beliefs—that are holding you back from experiencing this relationship. If lack of orgasm is the issue, we will work together to discover how to awaken the vagina and explore new ways to find sexual fulfillment. If the issue is mental-health related, we will delve into that corner before touching on anything physical.
Beyond looking at causes, however, we want to help you spice up your sex life by exploring your own unique sex language. Although the concept of love languages may be more familiar, uncovering your sex language is just as important. For instance, suppose your partner finds sexual satisfaction through foreplay, having sex, and orgasming, in that order. While this process is fulfilling for them, you may find that your own needs go unaddressed in the process. Maybe there is a different way that you experience sexual satisfaction. We want to look at what brings you joy so that both you and your partner’s needs are fulfilled.
Additionally, we often use mindfulness strategies to help you ground yourself so that you can concentrate on sex without any distractions. For instance, if your mind wanders to your physical insecurities (e.g., stretchmarks, wrinkles, etc.) during sex, you probably have a hard time enjoying yourself. Mindfulness exercises like deep breathing and meditation can help you center yourself so that you can concentrate on sex without experiencing negative or intrusive thoughts.
As we work together, our hope is that sex therapy will help you get to a place where you feel comfortable with topics that are usually uncomfortable for you. We want to help you understand your sexuality on a deeper level and bring joy into your sex life.
You may have some concerns about sex counseling…
I’m embarrassed to talk about sex with a stranger.
When you have a vaginal health issue, it’s normal to see a gynecologist and talk about your genitals. Sex therapy is no different. Just as a gynecologist would help you with the physical side of your sexual troubles, our therapists are trained and equipped to help you work through the emotional side of them. Besides, there is no pressure to open up right away here. The journey happens on your timing, and healing will start when you are mentally and emotionally ready for it.
Are you teaching people how to have sex?
We are not here to tell you how to have sex. We are here to help you understand yourself and communicate your needs and wants to your partner. Instead of giving you all the answers, we want to ask the right questions: What is stopping you from fulfilling your desires? How has your upbringing shaped your view of sex? How can you help yourself relax and stay grounded when your mind wanders during intercourse?
What if my sex life is not that bad, but I just want to spice it up?
While sexual issues often stem from trauma and harmful past relationships, your reasons for attending sex counseling don’t have to be heavy or dark. It’s perfectly fine if you just want to spice things up. Together, we can explore new avenues for sexual excitement, such as role-playing, BDSM, and tantric sex.
Let Us Help You Understand Your Sexual Needs On A Deeper Level
At first, you may feel nervous seeking sex therapy. But once you get started, we are confident that you will find the process comfortable, fun, and deeply enriching. To get started, you can email us or call us at 203-800-9778.
Right now, due to COVID-19, all our sex therapy sessions are held online or via phone.