{"id":5202,"date":"2023-03-07T15:12:01","date_gmt":"2023-03-07T15:12:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/?p=5202"},"modified":"2023-03-07T15:32:30","modified_gmt":"2023-03-07T15:32:30","slug":"forgiveness-letting-go-so-you-can-heal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/en\/forgiveness-letting-go-so-you-can-heal\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiveness: Letting Go So You Can Heal"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Forgiveness: Letting Go So You Can Heal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full\"><img data-srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min-300x89.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min-18x5.jpg 18w\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\"   data-src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min.jpg\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" alt=\"hands spelling out forgiveness\" class=\"wp-image-5210 lazyload\"  sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"700\" height=\"208\" src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min.jpg\" alt=\"hands spelling out forgiveness\" class=\"wp-image-5210\" srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min-300x89.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1818405614-min-18x5.jpg 18w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You may have heard that forgiving people is really about taking care of yourself, but what does that mean? It can seem as if forgiveness is something you do for someone who hurt you &#8211; don\u2019t they benefit from you deciding to let go of resentment and hurt feelings? How can forgiveness be a gift to yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiveness is not you excusing poor behavior. Instead, think of it as an investment in your well-being. When you release negative feelings like anger, frustration, disappointment, and resentment, you free up your mental space and emotional energy to let more of the good parts of life in. We know forgiveness is difficult and at times may seem impossible, especially if you decide you don\u2019t want to continue a relationship with the person who wronged you. At SMPsychotherapy, we want you to have all the tools you need to live a life of freedom and purpose, including the tools for forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In this blog, we will get a clear definition of forgiveness, including the types of forgiveness, and we\u2019ll discuss why forgiveness is so important for health and well-being. Then, we detail the process of forgiveness so you can work toward releasing negativity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What is Forgiveness?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiveness is a decision to release resentment and the desire for vengeance toward someone who harmed you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself because you choose to heal and move forward to build the life you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiveness does not mean you<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>ignore or deny how serious an offense against you is.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>forget how the person hurt you.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>are condoning or excusing the behavior.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>have to reconcile with the person who harmed you.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>release the person from accountability or legal action,<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiveness is an internal process that you do for yourself. You forgive because you no longer want to allow the negative feelings to have control over you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Why is Forgiveness so Important?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignleft size-full is-resized\"><img data-srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min-18x12.jpg 18w\" decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min.jpg\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" alt=\"two women hugging\" class=\"wp-image-5213 lazyload\"    sizes=\"(max-width: 412px) 100vw, 412px\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min.jpg\" alt=\"two women hugging\" class=\"wp-image-5213\" width=\"412\" height=\"276\" srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_627402740-min-18x12.jpg 18w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 412px) 100vw, 412px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you\u2019re angry, your body probably tenses up and enters flight or fight mode, your blood pressure increases, and you\u2019re ready for action. That process is great if there is a direct threat to your life, but when you<a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/27068160\/\"> carry anger around too long<\/a>, all that emotional pain can negatively impact your stress levels and mental health.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ruminating about how someone wronged you only reinforces negative emotions and keeps you stuck. Being chronically angry can cause anxiety and even lower your energy levels. One of the biggest benefits of forgiveness is the release of chronic anger that impacts your mental health and even your immune system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiving others allows you to <a href=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/en\/overcoming-trauma-not-your-fault-but-your-responsibility\/\">put the energy you spent<\/a> on anger into making your life better and improving your relationships with family members and loved ones. You can invest all that energy in new learning, reinvigorate your career, or focus on your physical health. Many people worry that forgiveness will mean they have to feel positively toward the offender. That isn\u2019t part of forgiveness, though. You can recognize the pain you suffered but move on from it, so it doesn\u2019t continue to claim your time and energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Types of Forgiveness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Forgiveness comes in many forms, and the form you choose to exercise will vary depending on the type of wrong you experience and your relationship with the person. You may choose conditional forgiveness for your spouse if they make a mistake, but dismissive forgiveness for a former friend with whom you can no longer continue a relationship. Here are the types of forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Unconditional forgiveness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you extend unconditional forgiveness to someone, you don\u2019t forget what they did, but you don\u2019t let it influence your future actions. You rebuild the relationship focused on rebuilding trust and becoming a better person. With unconditional forgiveness, you don\u2019t attach any condition to the forgiveness in a relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Conditional forgiveness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Conditional forgiveness means that you forgive the person and don\u2019t crave revenge or punish them in any way, but you look out for yourself and remain guarded so you won\u2019t be hurt again. This type of forgiveness is common in a relationship where infidelity is problematic. You forgive but remain vigilant for signs your partner is at it again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Dismissive forgiveness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dismissive forgiveness is when you decide to release anger and don\u2019t hold a grudge, but you also decide to move on with your life without that relationship. Perhaps you decided that the relationship is too harmful to your well-being or keeps you from living the life you want. Depending on the relationship you have with this person, dismissive forgiveness can be painful for both parties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Grace forgiveness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes, the hurt and anger are too powerful for you to forgive someone and move on in the relationship. Spiritual people, may believe forgiveness is only for God to grant. You want the other person to become a better person and have peace of mind over what they did to you, but you cannot grant them that peace of mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What is Self-forgiveness?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized\"><img data-srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min-18x12.jpg 18w\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min.jpg\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" alt=\"woman with her hands in the air as birds are flying\" class=\"wp-image-5212 lazyload\"    sizes=\"(max-width: 411px) 100vw, 411px\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min.jpg\" alt=\"woman with her hands in the air as birds are flying\" class=\"wp-image-5212\" width=\"411\" height=\"274\" srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_453635980-min-18x12.jpg 18w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 411px) 100vw, 411px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes, the person who wronged you is. . . you. We don\u2019t always make decisions that are in our best interests, and sometimes those decisions hurt others we love. Maybe you stayed in an unhealthy relationship too long or ate too many bags of cookies. Maybe you\u2019re battling addiction and had a relapse, or maybe you ignored your dreams and chose a safe career. Self-forgiveness is a necessary step for moving on from those decisions with the necessary positive energy to make different, better choices next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/en\/get-out-of-the-dirty-chair-tools-to-release-negative-emotions\/\">Shame or guilt<\/a> over past decisions can hurt your self-esteem, so learning to forgive yourself is vital to building a meaningful life. Forgiveness is an exercise in self-compassion &#8211; realizing you make mistakes because you\u2019re human and deciding to learn from them instead of beating yourself up about them. The steps of forgiveness we share next work whether you need to forgive a stranger, a best friend, a family member, or yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Process of Forgiveness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The process of forgiveness is not linear. You may find yourself doubling back over these steps again and again. You may get to step five, and something may happen to make you start over with step one. That\u2019s okay. These steps are meant to help guide you through the process of forgiveness so you can release negative emotions and spend your energy building the life you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Acknowledge the hurt: Who hurt you and why? How long did the hurtful behavior last? How does that hurt to show up in your body emotionally and physically? Once you know the depths of the experience that you\u2019re trying to forgive, you can figure out exactly how angry you are and what\u2019s causing it. You can only forgive someone if you understand exactly why you feel hurt or angry.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Assess the hurt: how do you feel? How do you feel about your relationship with this person? How do you feel when you think about their actions?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Accept that you cannot change what happened or how it affected you. But you can change what happens going forward. Decide if you are interested in reconciling, or do you want to forgive but move on from the relationship?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Decide whether or not you want to forgive the person at this time. Are you ready to let go of the anger and resentment and reclaim that energy? Will your forgiveness be unconditional, conditional, dismissive, or grace?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Repair and heal &#8211; where the real work happens. At this stage, you must do the work to undo the unhealthy patterns that led to the hurt, decide to see the person who wronged you in a new way, and begin performing acts of forgiveness, such as reaching out to the loved one who harmed you, or going to therapy if you\u2019re trying to forgive yourself.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Forgive &#8211; let go of the anger, resentment, or hatred. You aren\u2019t likely to forget the actions that caused your hurt, but you recognize that we are all humans who make mistakes every day. You no longer feel called to exact revenge or lash out at the person who harmed you. If you\u2019re forgiving yourself, you stop negative self-talk cycles and create new affirmations to boost your self-esteem.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Forgiveness Therapy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignleft size-full is-resized\"><img data-srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min-300x153.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min-18x9.jpg 18w\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min.jpg\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" alt=\"birds flying away into a sunset\" class=\"wp-image-5211 lazyload\"    sizes=\"(max-width: 387px) 100vw, 387px\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min.jpg\" alt=\"birds flying away into a sunset\" class=\"wp-image-5211\" width=\"387\" height=\"197\" srcset=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min.jpg 700w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min-300x153.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/shutterstock_1364554769-min-18x9.jpg 18w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 387px) 100vw, 387px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes, negative emotions are too powerful when someone hurts you. Sometimes, they hurt you for too long or too many times for you to move on without help. Forgiveness therapy with a trained mental health professional can help. At SMPSychotherpay, we know about the power of forgiveness to refill your energy and renew your spirit. We also know how difficult forgiveness can be. <a href=\"https:\/\/psychotherapyandcounselingservices.com\/en\/contact\/\">Contact our office today<\/a> to schedule an appointment and start the process of letting go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Want more?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For more about forgiveness and healing, reserve your copy of the new book, <em>Unbreakable<\/em> by Soribel Martinez, LCSW, CEO of SMPsychotherapy and Counseling Services. The book releases in Spring 2023. It\u2019s a story of one woman\u2019s journey through adversity and how you can use her principles to build the life of your dreams.<a href=\"https:\/\/keap.app\/contact-us\/6487188526035337\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/becomeunbreakablebook.com\/book\">Book on pre-sale now!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Forgiveness: Letting Go So You Can Heal You may have heard that forgiving people is really about taking care of yourself, but what does that mean? It can seem as if forgiveness is something you do for someone who hurt [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5213,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[132],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger-mangement"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Forgiveness: Letting Go So You Can Heal - SMPsychotherapy and Counseling Services - Danbury &amp; Hartford, CT &amp; New York, NY<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We will get a clear definition of forgiveness, including the types of forgiveness, and we\u2019ll discuss why forgiveness is so important for health and well-being.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link 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