Couples Connection: 5 Tips for Keeping Your Intimacy While Enjoying Your Newborn Baby

Posted by Soribel Martinez, LCSW

Having a baby is one of the most amazing things a couple can do. It can bring you closer together and allow you to fully realize what the love and passion you have for each other can create. 

But, while having a baby is beautiful, every parent knows it’s also the biggest job you’ll ever have. When you’re dealing with a newborn, you’re not getting much sleep, you’re emotionally and physically drained, and you might feel lost and overwhelmed at times. 

So, it’s not uncommon for some couples to struggle to keep up their intimacy. 

If that sounds like you, you don’t have to lose your connection with your partner just because of your little one. Let’s look at a few tips you can use for keeping your intimacy while enjoying your newborn baby. 

1. Be Compassionate

Intimacy starts outside of the bedroom. Even though both you and your partner might be exhausted, tend to each other’s needs as much as possible. Has your partner been at home with the baby all day? Offer to “take over” so they can get some rest. 

Or, maybe your partner typically does most of the housework. Step up and take on your share. 

Sometimes, even just talking to your partner about their feelings can make a big difference and help both of you feel more supported. 

2. Celebrate Your Relationship

When you have a baby, you immediately become a family of three. But that doesn’t mean your “twosome” of a relationship needs to disappear. 

Almost all of your attention will be on your little one, of course. However, don’t forget to focus on each other and your relationship needs. Your relationship should still be celebrated and appreciated the same way it was before your child was brought into the world. 

3. It’s the Little Things

You don’t necessarily need a grand gesture or getaway to cultivate intimacy in your relationship. In fact, it’s the little things that make the biggest difference. 

Slip a note into your partner’s coat pocket. Send them a text message during the day letting them know you’re thinking about them. You can choose to make these as loving or even as “steamy” as you want. The idea is that small gestures add up, and fuel intimacy throughout the day. 

4. Practice Self-Care

You might initially wonder how taking time for yourself can keep your intimacy strong. But how could it not? 

Again, having a baby can be overwhelming. If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s not likely you’ll be “in the mood”. You might not even want to spend time with anyone. 

So, it’s incredibly important to take care of yourself. Find time every day to do something that promotes your well-being. It could be mindfulness or meditation, journaling, exercising, or cooking something you love. Self-care is more than just a buzzword. It can greatly impact and improve your mental health, so you can be a more present partner.

5. Schedule Time With Your Partner

For a while, after your baby is born, you might feel you barely have time to breathe. Every free second you have might be dedicated to sleeping. But, that isn’t sustainable for long. 

Once you get into a routine with your little one, consider scheduling regular time with your partner. That might seem silly, at first, especially if you live under the same roof. But, scheduling a “date night” or even setting aside an hour for a conversation on the couch can be impactful. 

Scheduling time shows you’re making your relationship a priority. It boosts your connection and can be something that you look forward to as a couple. 

Intimacy takes time. After having a baby, it can feel you’re “starting over”. Really, though, you’re re-dedicating yourself to your relationship, your partner, and your love life. Keep these tips in mind to keep your intimacy levels strong while you enjoy everything about being a new parent. 

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